When I first heard about Brandon being missing, the trees outside my window were filled with leaves of red and gold, a bright palette of colour and hope. Now I look out and the trees are bare, the leaves are gone, the sky is gray, and a light dusting of snow is falling to the ground.
And though winter here in Ontario can be long, we do all know that at the end of it all, spring and colour will return. It has now been 29 days since I first became aware of Brandon's story, 29 days on my thoughts and in my heart. Every one of those days I would go to sleep and wake up with his story on my mind - first the hope, and then the despair. But soon, for most of us, Brandon move from our everyday thoughts to take on a more subtle and silent role. As I've said in past posts, he will become a part of the fabric of many of us, causing us to maybe hug a bit longer and a bit harder, and in unknown ways affect the rest of our lives for the better.
For the Crisp family, however, it will be a long time before days will go by without giving way to many thoughts of their lost son and brother. All we can hope is that it will be pleasant thoughts and fond memories of a great kid that will sustain them in the weeks and months to come.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Brandon's gift to the rest of us
"You have managed to permanently mark a place in so many people's hearts all over the world, people who don't even know you" - from Natasha Crisp's letter to her younger brother
Last night, every major Ontario-wide evening newscast - CBC, CTV, Global - all featured the report of Brandon's service as their leading/top news story for the day. Even the national newscasts made mention of the story. The Toronto Sun home page added a special tab titled "Brandon Crisp" between its News, Entertainment, and Sports sections. It is truly incredible to think that Brandon's story has truly touched the hearts of so many. The new Facebook memorial group (much more closely administered now), again features over 16,000 members, and almost 2000 'wall posts' of sympathy and remembrance.
What gifts are there to be taken away from Brandon's story? Certainly we all need constant reminders of how precious life is, and how easily it can be taken away. Parents are hugging their kids just a little bit tighter, and re-evaluating some of their priorities in life. As one of Brandon's schoolmates said after the service, "It's almost like a wake-up call to be more appreciative of your family... now you see what parents go through." Brandon's story also tells us about the good in people - volunteering in the search, supportive of the family, an entire community in mourning. Yes, this is not the first nor will it be the last story to teach us these things, but these are lessons we constantly need to be reminded of.
It's hard to imagine a better messenger than Brandon Crisp to bring these important gifts to the rest of us that he left behind.
Last night, every major Ontario-wide evening newscast - CBC, CTV, Global - all featured the report of Brandon's service as their leading/top news story for the day. Even the national newscasts made mention of the story. The Toronto Sun home page added a special tab titled "Brandon Crisp" between its News, Entertainment, and Sports sections. It is truly incredible to think that Brandon's story has truly touched the hearts of so many. The new Facebook memorial group (much more closely administered now), again features over 16,000 members, and almost 2000 'wall posts' of sympathy and remembrance.
What gifts are there to be taken away from Brandon's story? Certainly we all need constant reminders of how precious life is, and how easily it can be taken away. Parents are hugging their kids just a little bit tighter, and re-evaluating some of their priorities in life. As one of Brandon's schoolmates said after the service, "It's almost like a wake-up call to be more appreciative of your family... now you see what parents go through." Brandon's story also tells us about the good in people - volunteering in the search, supportive of the family, an entire community in mourning. Yes, this is not the first nor will it be the last story to teach us these things, but these are lessons we constantly need to be reminded of.
It's hard to imagine a better messenger than Brandon Crisp to bring these important gifts to the rest of us that he left behind.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Brandon laid to rest
The forecast was for rain, but instead it was a gray, overcast day, with just a hint of the sun trying to peek out at times. A fitting day for a service of grief and mourning that was also a celebration of a young life taken all too soon.
I drove up to the service this morning, the trip - two hours each way - passed in the blink of an eye as I spent the time thinking about Brandon and his family. Arriving an hour and a half before the service, there were already hundreds in the church, adults and teens, waiting silently and solemnly.
During the service, a family friend read letters from Brandon's sisters and his parents, written to Brandon. There is no mistaking the immense love that Brandon's family has for him, and the scope of their sense of loss is hard to imagine.
Hundreds of students were wearing yellow ties, scarves and ribbons, both a reminder of the hope during the search for Brandon, and a tribute to Brandon as one of his favourite colours. Over 1700 attended the service, friends, students, and even some strangers like me that had been immensely touched by Brandon's life and tragic passing.
Brandon's twin sister, Samantha, wrote in her letter, "His death has changed the lives of many and touched so many people's hearts and I'm so honoured to call him my brother."
Brandon has indeed touched the lives of more people than he could have possibly imagined.
I drove up to the service this morning, the trip - two hours each way - passed in the blink of an eye as I spent the time thinking about Brandon and his family. Arriving an hour and a half before the service, there were already hundreds in the church, adults and teens, waiting silently and solemnly.
During the service, a family friend read letters from Brandon's sisters and his parents, written to Brandon. There is no mistaking the immense love that Brandon's family has for him, and the scope of their sense of loss is hard to imagine.
Hundreds of students were wearing yellow ties, scarves and ribbons, both a reminder of the hope during the search for Brandon, and a tribute to Brandon as one of his favourite colours. Over 1700 attended the service, friends, students, and even some strangers like me that had been immensely touched by Brandon's life and tragic passing.
Brandon's twin sister, Samantha, wrote in her letter, "His death has changed the lives of many and touched so many people's hearts and I'm so honoured to call him my brother."
Brandon has indeed touched the lives of more people than he could have possibly imagined.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Brandon's twists of fate
As with many tragedies, Brandon's story is not one of a single event, but instead a sequence that could so easily have ended very differently. Brandon was certainly not the first or last teen to storm out of their house after an argument with their parents... while some media has played up the video game aspect of the story, this is a bit of a 'red herring' in that it could have been so many other things instead. Too much TV, internet chat messaging, cell phone use, staying out with friends, or whatever - the battles between teens and their parents happen every day, and there are so many things that can become obsessive or disruptive in a teen's life.
Though we may never know where Brandon was going, fate first stepped in with the breakdown of his bicycle on the Oro-Medonte trail. Then as darkness fell Brandon ended up off the trail and in a thick wooded/brush area. And, in the tragic end, Brandon suffered an accident, likely falling out of a tree, that caused his death.
While hindsight always offers the potential of doubt and second-guessing, the fact is that there was every likelihood that this story would have ended before it even began, with Brandon returning home soon after he left.
The cruel twists continued during the search, with so many searching so close to where Brandon was finally found and yet he remained missing.
If there is any sliver of grace to be found in the story, it is that hunters finally came upon Brandon's body on November 5th, before winter snows blanket the ground. Finally fate had decided that it had been cruel enough, and that it was time for closure and healing to begin.
Though we may never know where Brandon was going, fate first stepped in with the breakdown of his bicycle on the Oro-Medonte trail. Then as darkness fell Brandon ended up off the trail and in a thick wooded/brush area. And, in the tragic end, Brandon suffered an accident, likely falling out of a tree, that caused his death.
While hindsight always offers the potential of doubt and second-guessing, the fact is that there was every likelihood that this story would have ended before it even began, with Brandon returning home soon after he left.
The cruel twists continued during the search, with so many searching so close to where Brandon was finally found and yet he remained missing.
If there is any sliver of grace to be found in the story, it is that hunters finally came upon Brandon's body on November 5th, before winter snows blanket the ground. Finally fate had decided that it had been cruel enough, and that it was time for closure and healing to begin.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Brandon Crisp tragedy touches many
In my first post to this blog I mentioned that it is difficult to articulate exactly why Brandon has affected me personal as much as it has. Is it simply a case of good PR on the part of the parents to encourage the search effort, resulting in a 'media darling' of a story? After all, many youngsters go missing every year, and many of those receive very little press.
I certainly consider myself to be somewhat 'media-savvy', and not prone to be affected by the 'heartstrings' stories. Yet Brandon's story has certainly affected me. More than that, many of the seasoned police officers working closely on the case admit to being deeply involved on an emotional level. Sgt Dave Goodbrand, Barrie Police spokesman, admits to thinking often about Brandon as he went home to his own children. Det-Const Scott Aldridge, one of the case's lead investigators, a 22 year veteran of policing, called the case "an emotional roller coaster". Barrie Staff Sgt Dave Hossack, who led many of the police search and rescue efforts, admitted that "every police officer, at the end of their career, has certain events that will stick with them; for me, this will be one of them."
Maybe it's because Brandon reminds so many people of others that they care about - their kids, their friends from their youth, maybe even themselves when they were 15. A bit short and slightly-built for his age, he's the type of kid that you think deserves a little extra protection from 'up above'; when tragedy strikes, it just seems a bit more 'unfair'.
At a candlelight vigil on November 10th, Brandon's 17-year-old sister Natasha stated "I'm so proud of him, and amazed that he touched so many people's lives". He truly has touched the lives of thousands, and speaking for myself I certainly don't feel that those emotions have been misplaced.
I certainly consider myself to be somewhat 'media-savvy', and not prone to be affected by the 'heartstrings' stories. Yet Brandon's story has certainly affected me. More than that, many of the seasoned police officers working closely on the case admit to being deeply involved on an emotional level. Sgt Dave Goodbrand, Barrie Police spokesman, admits to thinking often about Brandon as he went home to his own children. Det-Const Scott Aldridge, one of the case's lead investigators, a 22 year veteran of policing, called the case "an emotional roller coaster". Barrie Staff Sgt Dave Hossack, who led many of the police search and rescue efforts, admitted that "every police officer, at the end of their career, has certain events that will stick with them; for me, this will be one of them."
Maybe it's because Brandon reminds so many people of others that they care about - their kids, their friends from their youth, maybe even themselves when they were 15. A bit short and slightly-built for his age, he's the type of kid that you think deserves a little extra protection from 'up above'; when tragedy strikes, it just seems a bit more 'unfair'.
At a candlelight vigil on November 10th, Brandon's 17-year-old sister Natasha stated "I'm so proud of him, and amazed that he touched so many people's lives". He truly has touched the lives of thousands, and speaking for myself I certainly don't feel that those emotions have been misplaced.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
The best and the worst of Facebook
During the search for Brandon, the Facebook group "Where is Brandon Crisp" grew to over 20,000 members. Originally started by some of Brandon's friends and classmates, the early wall postings and pictures were from friends, students and family, hoping and praying for Brandon's safe return. Many of these messages, some written "to" Brandon, were deeply touching and filled with emotion.
Later, as the group got bigger, it certainly became less personal. There were questions and theories, ideas and far-flung suggestions, information and mis-information. A darker side also began creeping in as some posters made criticisms of Brandon, his parents, and the police, and some of these posts were upsetting to the family, as they were following many of the threads.
But the darkest was to come after Brandon's body was found. The group's wall, threads and photos starting filling with cruel and insulting postings towards Brandon and his family, cowardly postings from anonymous names.
Facebook had first provided the best of the internet - people sharing their grief, their thoughts, their sympathies and condolences, friends and strangers alike. A forum for thousands to share how their lives were touched by this young man. Then the worst of the internet appeared - trolls from sites of dubious distinction such as 4chan and encyclopediadramitica, sites where the greatest claim is that the hate and insensitivity of their users can easily hide behind the shield of anonymity, bringing their lack of decent civilized behavior to a group that was clearly intended to provide comfort and support.
The main Facebook page was soon shut down, and while schoolmates started a new "In Memory of Brandon Crisp" group, the trolls followed. At the time of this writing there are over 15,000 members of this new group, which is heavily monitored by a number of officers and admins, no longer allows photos, and presently shuts the wall down overnight "in order to keep the wall clean and free from anything but tasteful messages".
It's a stark contrast between the lost hope and promise that Brandon's life has come to represent, and the insensitivity and disrespect that these trolls can bring to his memory.
Later, as the group got bigger, it certainly became less personal. There were questions and theories, ideas and far-flung suggestions, information and mis-information. A darker side also began creeping in as some posters made criticisms of Brandon, his parents, and the police, and some of these posts were upsetting to the family, as they were following many of the threads.
But the darkest was to come after Brandon's body was found. The group's wall, threads and photos starting filling with cruel and insulting postings towards Brandon and his family, cowardly postings from anonymous names.
Facebook had first provided the best of the internet - people sharing their grief, their thoughts, their sympathies and condolences, friends and strangers alike. A forum for thousands to share how their lives were touched by this young man. Then the worst of the internet appeared - trolls from sites of dubious distinction such as 4chan and encyclopediadramitica, sites where the greatest claim is that the hate and insensitivity of their users can easily hide behind the shield of anonymity, bringing their lack of decent civilized behavior to a group that was clearly intended to provide comfort and support.
The main Facebook page was soon shut down, and while schoolmates started a new "In Memory of Brandon Crisp" group, the trolls followed. At the time of this writing there are over 15,000 members of this new group, which is heavily monitored by a number of officers and admins, no longer allows photos, and presently shuts the wall down overnight "in order to keep the wall clean and free from anything but tasteful messages".
It's a stark contrast between the lost hope and promise that Brandon's life has come to represent, and the insensitivity and disrespect that these trolls can bring to his memory.
Contemplating the final hours
With the media release of the autopsy results on Saturday, Sgt Dave Goodbrand of the Barrie Police also mentioned that the family were "having a real difficult time with it, as you can imagine." OPP Constable Mark Maeers also said "we're going to try to answer as may questions for the family as we can" regarding Brandon's final hours.
Once the police have conclusively ruled out foul play, the fact that the are willing to devote more time and effort to find out more details is commendable. Some might suggest that there is not much to be gained here, and that the information would not have any further benefit. While there is some validity to that reasoning, I have trouble voicing why I don't agree. The Coroner determined that the cause of death was severe injuries to the chest, likely from a fall from a tree. While still tragic, there seems to be a strange sliver of comfort to be gained from the fact that the earlier theories of hypothermia turned out not to be true. The thought that Brandon's last hours would be spent disoriented, alone and slowly succumbing to exposure only a very short distance from a road and a farmhouse seemed to be a last, cruel twist of fate on this sad story.
A fall from a tree has an equally tragic result, but the sad fact is that kids die from falls and misadventures like that every year - accidents in backyards, playgrounds, swimming pools and lakes. Does the fact that Brandon died from a traditional "accident" make the outcome any less traumatic to his family, friends, and community? Or course not. And there are unanswered questions at this point - when did he fall, how long did he live after the fall.
The answers to those questions, if any are forthcoming, may make the story once again more difficult on everybody who is or has become emotionally invested in Brandon's life, but the questions are worth asking, and the answers, if available, are worth knowing.
Once the police have conclusively ruled out foul play, the fact that the are willing to devote more time and effort to find out more details is commendable. Some might suggest that there is not much to be gained here, and that the information would not have any further benefit. While there is some validity to that reasoning, I have trouble voicing why I don't agree. The Coroner determined that the cause of death was severe injuries to the chest, likely from a fall from a tree. While still tragic, there seems to be a strange sliver of comfort to be gained from the fact that the earlier theories of hypothermia turned out not to be true. The thought that Brandon's last hours would be spent disoriented, alone and slowly succumbing to exposure only a very short distance from a road and a farmhouse seemed to be a last, cruel twist of fate on this sad story.
A fall from a tree has an equally tragic result, but the sad fact is that kids die from falls and misadventures like that every year - accidents in backyards, playgrounds, swimming pools and lakes. Does the fact that Brandon died from a traditional "accident" make the outcome any less traumatic to his family, friends, and community? Or course not. And there are unanswered questions at this point - when did he fall, how long did he live after the fall.
The answers to those questions, if any are forthcoming, may make the story once again more difficult on everybody who is or has become emotionally invested in Brandon's life, but the questions are worth asking, and the answers, if available, are worth knowing.
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