A Time to Reflect

Having had the chance now to look back at the November 14th service, I can say that it will certainly remain one of the most memorable and touching experiences of my life. Sharing it with over 1700 people, and then going home to see it reported as the top item in newscasts from across Ontario – it’s almost surreal, and hard to imagine ever being a part of another experience like it.

As the year draws to a close, we also get a chance to look back at the hectic weeks that followed October 13th. The efforts of the Barrie Police Service in searching and trying to find Brandon must certainly be commended – a lot of officers tried very hard, both in organized searches and in following up tips and leads. Since Brandon’s body was found on November 5th there hasn’t been any new information released, even though police did indicate they would still be looking in to a number of questions. I have to admit that, unlike the Barrie Police, I’m not completely at ease with the information released by the OPP (who took responsibility after Brandon was found outside of Barrie jurisdiction). And while in an earlier post on this blog I did suggest that any new information was worth knowing, I now have to also recognize that Brandon has been laid to rest, and similarly it may be time to lay to rest any lingering questions about the exact circumstances of his passing.

It is through his memory that Brandon Crisp lives on, the memories of his life and how he touched the lives of so many others.

Pausing a Moment to Remember

The holiday season is a time for family, friends, and especially kids, and certainly this will always be one of the most difficult times of the year to reflect on Brandon's story. Even though much of my days are filled with the usual bustle of this time of year, I find that my thoughts still touch on Brandon at some point every day.

With more than a month since the service in Barrie, many of Brandon’s friends have changed their Facebook profile pics back to their usual photos and away from the pics of Brandon put up in remembrance, but even now a few remain. And the public Facebook “In Memory of Brandon Crisp” group still gets postings, such as this recent one by Jordan, a student from a different high school than Brandon:

“I didn't know you and still don't but that doesn't change the fact that you touched my life. I think about Brandon and his family every day now at least once, but usually more.” ... “Brandon may be gone from us, but he will never be forgotten!”

That sums it up right there. As we celebrate Christmas and the Holidays, I'm proud to join so many others that keep Brandon, his family and his friends in their thoughts.

Photographs, Memories, and Virtual Footprints

As the search for Brandon was continuing, and then after he was found, I would at times ponder Brandon's Facebook account - there he was, listed as a Friend to so many of his classmates that had joined the Facebook groups set up around his story. 259 Facebook friends, about average for a high school student these days. A small slice of his life, frozen in time on October 13th.

As it turns out, his Facebook account was deactivated last week, probably by his family. So now what are left are wispy ghosts of his online presence - a tag in some photos here and there. Though some teens fill their profiles with pictures of themselves, and appear all over in photos by others, I get the feeling that this was not the case with Brandon. A couple of pictures were posted to the public group Where is Brandon Crisp, and a couple were released by his family to help in the search - these pictures can be seen at the Flickr link at the side of this page.

The iconic picture that has been seen by everyone is the photo of Brandon by the lake, wearing a stripped blue shirt. This is a great picture. I love it as a photograph - the composition, the lighting, the blue sky - but much more than that it does a great job of presenting Brandon in a way that people can truly relate to. Teenage boys don't like to be described with words such as "sweet", "cute", or "innocent", but those words came up often in the service, and they are captured in this picture. People being the visual animals that they are, this picture in no doubt contributed to the huge outpouring of concern and sympathy for Brandon.

But as much as I love that pic, my favourite pictures of those shared publicly are the ones above - everyday snapshots. In each of those I find small details that make me smile. I know that these pictures are like reading a single paragraph from a classic novel - they can't even begin to tell the full story of Brandon's life; but instead they give a little glimpse, a tiny sliver of insight, into this life that was taken all too soon.

Finding Promise through the Noise

When I started this blog, I had expected to be a bit more analytical, a bit less emotionally involved. Well, that didn't go exactly as planned. I did, however, look with some interest into how other forums and blogs were covering Brandon's story. I've already talked about the cowardly anonymous trollers and the posts they would make on Facebook groups, but there were also discussions on more traditional internet forums; most of these were still partially anonymous behind screen handles or nicknames, but they were made by users that generally had long posting histories and were clearly making points of view that reflected their opinions.

Discussions on forums and blogs centering around more mature topics, such as politics, lifestyle, and so on, were nearly always sympathetic to both Brandon and his family. While there were dissenting opinions on the video game angle, in general parents would talk about how similar situations had happened to them in the past, or could happen to anyone in the future.

There was also a lot of discussion of the Brandon Crisp story on Video Game forums, due to the strong connection made early on between Brandon and his play of the Xbox game Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. These forums are populated by nearly all males, generally in their teens or early twenties. The tone here was much different, with comments disrespectful of the tragedy, of Brandon, and of his parents. I only wish I could bring these comments forward to those individuals in 20 years time, when most will have families of their own, to see how they would feel about the criticisms they made.

But maybe I shouldn't be looking towards Video Game junkies in the first place as an example of the promise of future generations. I should look instead at the young men and women such as those that filled Brandon's service in the hundreds, dressed in their dark shirts and dresses with yellow ties and scarves, paying their respects to a fellow student that many barely knew.

At the service I was seated between two students, both about Brandon's age, sitting on their own without friends or parents around them. The one on my left, dressed in a meticulous dark suit, was there before me, and spent the next three hours in somber and solemn reflection. The one on my right arrived shortly after me with his father, who was unable to stay for the service. This young man would often pull out a tissue throughout the service to dab his eyes. These young people, and the hundreds of others filling the hall to overflowing, were there not because they had to be, but because they wanted to be, to share their sympathy and their sorrow. They are the true embodiment of the hope and promise that Brandon leaves behind for the rest of us.

Autumn Leaves

When I first heard about Brandon being missing, the trees outside my window were filled with leaves of red and gold, a bright palette of colour and hope. Now I look out and the trees are bare, the leaves are gone, the sky is gray, and a light dusting of snow is falling to the ground.

And though winter here in Ontario can be long, we do all know that at the end of it all, spring and colour will return. It has now been 29 days since I first became aware of Brandon's story, 29 days on my thoughts and in my heart. Every one of those days I would go to sleep and wake up with his story on my mind - first the hope, and then the despair. But soon, for most of us, Brandon move from our everyday thoughts to take on a more subtle and silent role. As I've said in past posts, he will become a part of the fabric of many of us, causing us to maybe hug a bit longer and a bit harder, and in unknown ways affect the rest of our lives for the better.

For the Crisp family, however, it will be a long time before days will go by without giving way to many thoughts of their lost son and brother. All we can hope is that it will be pleasant thoughts and fond memories of a great kid that will sustain them in the weeks and months to come.

Brandon's gift to the rest of us

"You have managed to permanently mark a place in so many people's hearts all over the world, people who don't even know you" - from Natasha Crisp's letter to her younger brother

Last night, every major Ontario-wide evening newscast - CBC, CTV, Global - all featured the report of Brandon's service as their leading/top news story for the day. Even the national newscasts made mention of the story. The Toronto Sun home page added a special tab titled "Brandon Crisp" between its News, Entertainment, and Sports sections. It is truly incredible to think that Brandon's story has truly touched the hearts of so many. The new Facebook memorial group (much more closely administered now), again features over 16,000 members, and almost 2000 'wall posts' of sympathy and remembrance.

What gifts are there to be taken away from Brandon's story? Certainly we all need constant reminders of how precious life is, and how easily it can be taken away. Parents are hugging their kids just a little bit tighter, and re-evaluating some of their priorities in life. As one of Brandon's schoolmates said after the service, "It's almost like a wake-up call to be more appreciative of your family... now you see what parents go through." Brandon's story also tells us about the good in people - volunteering in the search, supportive of the family, an entire community in mourning. Yes, this is not the first nor will it be the last story to teach us these things, but these are lessons we constantly need to be reminded of.

It's hard to imagine a better messenger than Brandon Crisp to bring these important gifts to the rest of us that he left behind.

Brandon laid to rest

The forecast was for rain, but instead it was a gray, overcast day, with just a hint of the sun trying to peek out at times. A fitting day for a service of grief and mourning that was also a celebration of a young life taken all too soon.

I drove up to the service this morning, the trip - two hours each way - passed in the blink of an eye as I spent the time thinking about Brandon and his family. Arriving an hour and a half before the service, there were already hundreds in the church, adults and teens, waiting silently and solemnly.

During the service, a family friend read letters from Brandon's sisters and his parents, written to Brandon. There is no mistaking the immense love that Brandon's family has for him, and the scope of their sense of loss is hard to imagine.

Hundreds of students were wearing yellow ties, scarves and ribbons, both a reminder of the hope during the search for Brandon, and a tribute to Brandon as one of his favourite colours. Over 1700 attended the service, friends, students, and even some strangers like me that had been immensely touched by Brandon's life and tragic passing.

Brandon's twin sister, Samantha, wrote in her letter, "His death has changed the lives of many and touched so many people's hearts and I'm so honoured to call him my brother."

Brandon has indeed touched the lives of more people than he could have possibly imagined.